Hayu Urang Ngadongeng

Once I knew a guy. When I was just a kid, he was already grown up but it didn't stop me to had a crush on him. The reason was so simple, he was a very well-built man and he won almost all the sport championship in the neighborhood. I was a kid, lots of reading princess stories with a shiny knight riding silver horse and everything. So, at that time, he was totally awesome (for me).

When I grown up to be a clumsy teen, I was seeing him differently. At that time, he was no longer a stranger but soon we became friends, even though he was much older than me. He was no longer my shining knight but only regular drunken late-teenager who tried so hard to find his self-esteem and show his pride to anyone by doing many ridiculous things. So when he showed his feeling, I was no longer interested, and the picture of my heroic-figure shattered.

Things that caused me hurting him was something I cannot share here, I just did. I immediately found out that he was not going to forgive me at once. But I still kept in my memory the image of him as my "shining knight" until now (a slight of childhood memories).

It was years ago but I can feel that hurt now because I met him this morning.

I know that he worked as a parking guy, still in the same neighborhood. Whenever I pass the street, I can see him clearly, even though times has changed him a lot. I often smile when I remember my feeling for him as a tiny girl.

This morning, my husband has something to do in that neighborhood, and we parked in that place. I hate to admit but I was little bit disoriented when we pulled over. I was afraid that he would not recognize me and even worse, he would not want to know me anymore.

I knew from a glimpse of my eyes that he was watching us. I was pretty sure that he realize my existence. I tried to smile when our eyes met, but he turned away. I was shocked, not that I did not expect that coming. And probably that because of my appearance too. Maybe I was not the same again, the same little girl he knew once. Maybe I was just another stranger to him.

But, for some reason; I know that he still knows me. He was ignoring me.

I was sorry for him, I was sorry for myself, cause there are things that aren't meant to be broken. Maybe the times cause it. Maybe the changes in human being cause it. I wish he know that one casual smile from him would be enough. Enough for me to know that he has forgiven me, it was all over (beside it was just a small problem) and we all are grown-up persons now.

The story of him is just an episode of the entire screen. There are some relationships that made me feel sorry. I am sorry that I could not mend them to be in one piece again. No matter what. I wish I know how to put back pieces of puzzles that can make the whole picture complete.

This morning, I felt that I have to whisper to the whirl of wind;

"I am really sorry for things that are not meant to be broken ..."